Struggling Mentally About My Cousin

I had a Cousin whom I had grown up together with since young. We were quite close and often met up together. She looked very pretty since young and grew up to be a very fine lady, with a petite frame and having at least a B cup for her breasts. She was the standard Singaporean girl, worked hard for her grades and strived hard for her future. She had a very innocent face, with long hair and was the standard girl next door that every guy dreamed about. She looked younger than her actual age, hence she was often mistaken as a student in her school as she was a school teacher. We were not directly related by blood, and I did not fantasize about her until one day when I accidentally saw her zaogeng while we were playing hide and seek. She had big boobs for her age at that time, which was around eighteen. I was going through puberty at that period of time and sexual fantasies of her slowly took over my mind.

Now that both of us were grown up, we still met up once in a while, and she never failed to amaze whenever we met up. She’s not very tall, around 1.6m the standard girl height, but her legs were slick and slender. Smooth white skin. I always had trouble concentrating while having lunch or dinner with her. So I always tried to look and focus on her face while she was talking to me. Her lips were slightly pink, not the super red type. She didn’t wear makeup, but her cheeks were naturally pinkish since young.

One day, when we were having lunch at a restaurant, she was talking about going on a trip together one day, as we had never travelled together before. She was thinking about where to go for holiday. However, some other thoughts were taking over my mind…

It was decided. We were on the plane to Switzerland. Plans changed and she felt like going to Europe for the first time. It was the winter period in Switzerland and the weather was super cold. Both of us were super excited on the plane, she had prepared loads of clothing to keep her warm. Me too, but I had prepared a few condoms, hid it inside my luggage. I didn’t know why I did that, I felt like a jerk, but it was a ‘Just in case’ I guess. I had never gone on an overseas trip with a girl alone. Although this was my Cousin, but I couldn’t help it but to feel an instant erection whenever I thought of the time we will be spending alone. We had booked a hotel twin room, she didn’t mind sharing the room as the accommodation was super expensive in Switzerland. We wanted to save some costs. Instead before booking the room, she asked whether I minded.

“Err… I am used to sleeping alone leh actually, but if you don’t mind, I shouldn’t even mind le… Ok lor, can book. Thanks…” I recalled the conversation I had with her over the phone, where I acted a bit reluctant.

Besides the condoms, I had prepared something else. I was struggling within myself whether to bring it as I did not know whether I will get the chance to use it, and I felt very guilty. I felt like a jerk, but I still brought it along with me, hoping that some surprises will come along my way. It was a tiny hidden camera.

Upon touching down, I could feel the cold weather once I stepped out of the plane. The snow was over, but the weather was still quite bad. It was freezing, both of us had our jackets on. We collected our luggage and headed for the hotel from the airport. Upon reaching the destination, we had the shock of our lives. The hotel that we had booked, was under renovation! There were a few Swiss guys in the under-renovation hotel and they helped us to contact the hotel manager. She apologized that we were not informed of the sudden changes and promised to refund our money via internet banking, but couldn’t give us a room to stay. It was shocking, as I had never experienced anything like that. We dragged our luggage along the streets, hoping to catch some other hotels with available rooms. One small but nice looking hotel caught my eye and I dragged my Cousin along into the reception counter of that hotel.

“Hmm, we have a room for the two of you, but the price is slightly more expensive as you guys came in pretty last minute. Is it ok with you guys?” The aunty at the reception asked.

I took the offer straight away as I needed to unload the luggage that I had been carrying for hours. It was tiring for me as I helped my Cousin with her luggage as well whenever I saw her panting. I couldn’t call myself a gentleman, as I knew that I was a jerk at times, but my heart ached whenever I saw her struggling with her heavy luggage. After collecting the room key, I carried both our luggage upstairs. The hotel was quite small and had no lift. Luckily we were only on the second floor. Upon opening the room door, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a queen sized bed for both of us. We didn’t expect this as we thought that it was supposed to be a twin bed room. However the receptionist said it was the last room, hence we had no choice. Another surprise, the room was actually designed for couples, as the shower room had a transparent door. It was totally see through! There was another small toilet just for relieving purposes, but the shower room was a separate one with a see through door. I honestly didn’t expect this, but I was literally smirking as I already knew what I could do with my hidden camera. I tried to act gentlemanly and said I will sleep on the floor and go out of the room whenever she was showering, and vice versa. She seemed a bit disturbed, but seemed to heave a sigh of relief after I suggested stepping out of the room whenever she showered.

After putting down our luggage, we headed out straight away. Our first stop was the Museum of Fine Art. It was breathtaking, it was really an eye opener for both of us. Everything about Switzerland was just so beautiful. The people were quite friendly and always helpful whenever we asked for directions. Although the weather was cold, but it was very nice to take a walk here and there, as the weather was totally different from Singapore. My Cousin and I chatted about everything under the sun as we toured around, I enjoyed her company a lot. She talked about my personal life all of a sudden, asking why I did not have any girlfriend until now. I did not know how to answer her as I seldom talked to girls. She’s the only close female companion that I had. Hence, I tried to change the topic and instead asked about her relationships, why she wasn’t having a boyfriend at the age of thirty.

“I used to like my ex a lot, but we broke up when I found out that he was two-timing me. The second boyfriend I had is quite childish, I realized we have quite a lot of differences after we got together. So broke again lor. Nowadays I am very busy also lah, no time to have a boyfriend.” She explained to me, giving me the idea that she’s not very keen to touch on this subject as well. I wanted to probe further as evil thoughts started to form in my mind again. I wondered whether she had sex before, as it had been years since she dated. True to her words, she was very busy with her work as well, so I wondered whether she was still a virgin at the age of thirty. She looked really very innocent, so I couldn’t help but to think that she had never done anything wild in her life. Whether she had any needs etc etc. I just couldn’t stop myself from thinking about all of these.

After dinner at a local restaurant, I yawned and acted very sleepy as I couldn’t wait to go back to the hotel to carry out the evil plan that I had hatched. My Cousin suggested going back to the hotel to rest after seeing me in such a state.

Back at hotel…

I took my tiny hidden camera out and put it nearby the window curtain, outside the shower room while my Cousin was looking away. After everything was set up and it wasn’t very visible, I offered my Cousin the privilege of bathing first. I was going to step out of the room when she suddenly paused and called out to me.

“Eh, don’t need to go out la. You just stay in that area, don’t come near here can liao. I bathe very fast one.” She said.

I almost had an instant erection upon hearing that. I tried to control myself and said ok lor. Even though everything was set up and I could see whatever that was going on in the shower room after a while, the thought of being in the same room as my Cousin while she was bathing still aroused me. I stayed in the corner she told me to, while she was bathing, looking around the room, very tempted to walk over to the area of the shower area and take a peep, but worried that she will see me. Something caught my eye suddenly. It was three small, squarish pieces of glass attached to the walls of the room, all in different sides of the room. I stood on the bed, tiptoeing to see, wondering what was it. It was actually a reflection, used as a mirror. One mirror reflecting on one, then on the other, and so on. One of them happened to be slightly near the shower room, but wasn’t directly opposite the transparent door. I stood on the bed, tiptoeing, adjusting my angle and caught a view of a bare back. It was my Cousin, she had stripped, her bra was taken off, but she was back facing the mirror. I couldn’t see her front assets, but it was enough to turn me on. I realized that I couldn’t wait for her to finish showering, so I went to the toilet in our room and masturbated, unloading all my load into the toilet bowl, thinking of her bare body and angelic face. But it wasn’t enough, I still didn’t feel satisfied, but I knew it would be too early and abrupt to make any move. She had just finished bathing after I masturbated.

It would be very obvious for me to take something under the curtain at that time after she bathed, hence I took my clothes into the shower room to bathe. I was quite disappointed that she was wearing long sleeves and long pants, possibly due to the cold weather, preparing to sleep. I was expecting her to wear shorts and singlet to sleep actually. Missed the chance to admire her slick and smooth legs. She promised that she will stay in the same corner as me, I jokingly flirted with her, asking her not to come and see hor. She just smacked me on my arms, then ignored me. After bathing, it was time to sleep. I still could not take my hidden camera. I climbed onto the bed and couldn’t believe it that my Cousin was on the same bed as me. It was only the first day of our trip, but I already had several erections along the way. It was very hard to control and not to say at this moment, when she was just beside me on the bed. I imagined pinning her down and raping her on the spot. Caressing her breasts, licking her pussy, frenching her, whatever that I could fantasize of.

Halfway through my thoughts, she turned abruptly to look at me. I was instantly melted by those cute eyes of hers.

“I will be putting this bolster in between us. It is the barrier hor. Don’t reach beyond here. And don’t snore!” She emphasized to me.

I just gave her an orh, but I added that sometimes I could not control my movements when I sleep. She just said she will punish me if I reached beyond the boundary. After saying nights, we off the lights and went to sleep. But I was still fully awake, thinking of all the possibilities that could happen during this holiday.

Halfway through the night, I woke up. I had slept for two hours, it felt like I had slept for very long, but I was still a bit groggy. Upon waking up, I knew what I had in mind. I checked beside me and my Cousin was sound asleep. I took a few seconds to admire her beautiful face, then got up to the curtain to retrieve my hidden camera. I headed to the toilet straight away, took out the memory card and planted it into my hand phone. And played the video that I had taken. It was one hour long, the camera had run out of battery long ago, but I wasn’t really bothered. The view was perfect. The camera had captured the view of the shower room. Slowly, my Cousin came into the picture. It was a good twenty minutes with nothing eventful, as my Cousin took her time to brush her teeth and wash her face. Finally, she was starting to strip. One by one. She was wearing a few layers of clothing due to the cold climate. Finally it was down to her bra. Shit. The view wasn’t really very perfect. It captured the top part of her entirely, but the bottom part of her body wasn’t captured. She took off her bra, revealing the two breasts that I had fantasized about for so long. Her nipples were super perky and pinkish. It looked fantastic and tasty, I wished I had the chance to lick and taste them straight away. She slowly took off her undies as well. But the bottom part of her body was not captured into the camera. I was angry and disappointed with myself that I couldn’t take in the entire view of her body. I could only vaguely see the outline of her body and ass. It was definitely an S-shape, a devilish body, but I couldn’t see the entire ass and her sacred pussy. It was definitely something I regretted to this day. After taking off everything, she proceeded to bathe as shown in the video. I took off my pants and started masturbating myself again, this time unloading in just a few minutes despite the earlier unloading. Masturbating myself to the video that I had just taken and enjoying the view of her firm B sized breasts, and super perky, cute and pinkish nipples. I was sick. Totally sick. After the semen came shooting out, I felt a tinge of guilt overcame me again. I made use of the trust my Cousin had in me to shoot a video of her naked. I was really a jerk, but my bottom part of the body always took control of my mind in critical situations. I felt like a bastard, pervert and psycho. Placing the camera and phone into my luggage, I went to bed.

My Cousin woke up earlier than me the next day. She went to wash up first and I stayed lying on the bed thinking about stuff. My tinge of guilt had reduced after a night of rest. I had initially thought of keeping the video I had taken and just masturbating to it whenever I was free. That’s it, I was not going to do anything else more to hurt my Cousin. That’s what I thought, but my small head didn’t think likewise.

After washing up, both of us went out for sightseeing again. I had a couple of erections along the way again, as I looked at my Cousin‘s beautiful face while talking to her. I could imagine myself looking at her breasts with perky nipples every moment I spent with her. It was tough trying to control my hard-on and walk around, acting normally. All I wanted to do was go back to the hotel and screw her. But I had to have a plan. I wouldn’t rape my Cousin, I still had some respect for her even though I was a fucked up jerk. I had a plan, but I wasn’t sure whether it will work.

After a tiring but fruitful day, we went back to the hotel again. My Cousin was downstairs at the receptionist asking for some help, whereas I went back to the room first. I headed straight for the shower room and squeezed one small pint of toothpaste. I had heard during my army days that eating toothpaste made you sick. I wasn’t sure whether it really worked, but I had to give it a try. I dropped the small pint of toothpaste into the bottle of orange juice that my Cousin had bought and mixed it. I wasn’t going to drug my Cousin, I was just going to make her fall sick. It might sound damn stupid, but I had to try everything to make her fall sick.

After bathing, both of us went to sleep. She found the taste of the orange juice slightly weird, but took not much notice of it. No more video taking for today as my hidden camera already ran out of battery. Halfway through the night, when my Cousin was asleep, I adjusted the room temperature to the lowest sixteen degrees. Then, I lowered the blanket that my Cousin was using to cover her body slowly. Bit by bit, there wasn’t any reaction from her, so I continued until I lowered her blanket until her waist area. I was actually just going to let her ‘enjoy’ the air con, hopefully she might get a flu or something. Only both of us alone in an overseas country and I would be the only one there for her if she did get sick. I wanted to see whether she will develop any feelings for me or will treat me just as her little brother all along. As I lowered her blanket, I stared at her for a minute. Beautiful face, with such kissable lips. It was making me sick, I did not know when I had such thoughts for my Cousin. After a few minutes of admiration for my Cousin, I started to fall asleep as well.

The next day when we woke up, my Cousin was indeed starting to feel slightly unwell. She had a running nose, but still insisted on going out as she did not want to waste the time resting in our hotel. We took the usual routine of having our breakfast in the hotel, then going out for some sightseeing. She was giddy sometimes and I held her hands at times to keep her steady. I felt like we were really a couple.

All of a sudden, it started to rain, with cold winds blowing our way. Our fingers and toes were freezing as well. I was thinking that my Cousin would really get sick in such a weather. She suggested going into a coffee house to get some hot drinks and so we did. Then proceeded on with our trip after a while. It started to rain snowflakes. Wow. It was the first time I saw such a scene and it was beautiful, my Cousin found it beautiful as well. And we took some pictures of ourselves. I noticed her sweet smile when admiring the scene of snowing snowflakes. We had our gaze frozen at each other for a couple of seconds and I leaned forward nearer to her.

My Cousin realized the sudden awkwardness and turned away. I acted like nothing happened and nonchalant afterwards. She suggested going back to the hotel to rest, as she wasn’t feeling well. I agreed and got some Panadols along the way back.

When we were back at the hotel, my Cousin was getting more and more sick. I took her temperature and it was 38 degrees. She was running a fever. I told her to go to bed and avoid taking a shower, as it will only make her more sick. She insisted on having a hot shower before going to bed, and I could not do anything about it. As she was bathing, I kept fantasizing about how I can screw her. It was perverse, but I couldn’t help it. She seemed to feel a bit awkward earlier on and I thought that I might have a chance to screw her during this trip. There were only three more nights to go and I would have no chance after this. After so many years, it would be a dream come true if I managed to get into the pussy of my coveted Cousin. I had to try any method to fuck her. I didn’t know whether any normal guys would feel this way, but that was definitely the case for me. Call me a pervert or anything you like, but I knew I had to try.

Halfway through my thoughts, I heard a thump sound, and my Cousin screaming in pain. I rushed nearby to the shower room, still keeping my eyes away from the shower room door and asked her what happened. She grimaced in pain, that she had felt giddy earlier on and fell down in the shower room. She had sprained her ankle. I did not know whether it was lust or concern towards my Cousin that propelled me into the shower room. She got a shock of her life when she saw me walking into the shower room. She was totally naked and I finally saw her sacred pussy. Her pussy wasn’t the super bushy type, it was evident that she did trimming frequently. The sight was overwhelming for me. However, I tried to act serious and in one swift motion, I grabbed her and carried her up into my arms.

My Cousin was totally appalled by what I was doing and kept slapping my arms, asking what I was doing. I walked out of the bathroom, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her. Then I moved to the bed and put her down.

“Hey, what are you doing??? I am your Cousin leh, can you show me some respect?” She shouted at me despite having a fever.

“I am just trying to help. I have told you not to bathe already right? See la, now fall down already. Don’t worry, I will try to forget everything I saw.” I retorted back, using my most stern and authoritative tone.

My Cousin went silent, gazed at me for a few seconds then looked away. I guessed she had never seen me so stern before. In her eyes, I was still a little boy who played around with her. I took her clothes from the shower room, laid them on the bed for her, and then went inside the toilet.

“When you are done changing, then you let me know.”

I went inside the toilet, sat on the toilet bowl and started to reshuffle my thoughts. I had just seen my Cousin in the buff, and I was so tempted to plant at least my finger inside her pussy, to test how tight and wet it was. However, my natural instinct was to bring her out and get her changed first. I was having trouble having a clear mind and felt like I was having a split personality. I was really pissed with my Cousin just now for emphasizing the fact that she’s my Cousin. We might be Cousins, but we weren’t related by blood. I wouldn’t be committing incest if I fucked her. However, the problem was how do I go about doing it. From the way she spoke just now, it didn’t seem like she was going to fall for me any moment. Or was she feeling embarrassed? All these thoughts were confusing me, when I heard her voice from outside that she was done.

I went back into the room, trying to act cool. Took two tablets from the packet of Panadols that I had bought just now, prepared a cup of water and took it to her. She looked at me for a few seconds before taking the medicine. I went back to the bed and prepared myself to sleep.

“Hey Jim, thanks… I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you just now, but you saw everything… I felt embarrassed and awkward.” She spoke in a soft voice.

Her words melted my heart instantly. She sounded sincere, but weak, perhaps she was sick. I turned around to look at her and gazed into her eyes intently.

“It’s ok. I am sorry too… Erm, I was just worried about you… I…” With that, I leaned closer to her and pressed my lips against hers. My Cousin was probably too shocked to react, so I continued kissing her lips. Her lips were very soft and tasted sweet. Most kissable lips award. She started pushing me away after she realized what was happening, but I continued my attack towards her lips. I used my right hand to maneuver her head nearer towards me. I wasn’t going to stop. My erection was building up. I thought about the video I took of her, the B-sized breasts and perky pinkish nipples and started moving my hands up on her, to her breasts and felt them for just a few seconds before she pushed them away. She kept struggling and tried to say something, but I didn’t let her. I tried navigating my tongue into her mouth, but she kept resisting. I started moving my hands down to her legs and tried to pry open her long pants. Her reaction was huge and pushed me away with more force. I started to wake up from my idea, realizing that it was too abrupt and rash, and then backed off myself.

“I am sorry… I didn’t mean to… I…” I turned around, back-facing her and started to sleep. Or rather faking to sleep. She seemed to be traumatized, I couldn’t see her expression. After some time, she slowly got back into the bed, off the lights and went to sleep as well. It was quite an eventful night for me, I locked lips with my Cousin after so many years, and luckily I backed off and did not proceed further in the end, as I think it would have ruined my relationship with her. I wouldn’t want us to become strangers or enemies after this trip. I kept thinking about how she felt about what happened earlier on, whether she was disgusted by me or some other possibilities and etc etc. I believed that it had been years since she last locked lips with a guy. Since she was willing to go back to sleep with me on the same bed, I guessed everything might turn out fine in the end? Thoughts were churning in my mind when I realized that my hands, which were used to touch my Cousin just now, were slightly moist. I raised my hands to my nose and took a sniff at what it was. It was pussy juice.

I woke up earlier than my Cousin the next morning. She was still sound asleep at 8 am. I reached out my hand to her forehead and checked whether she was still running a fever. Her forehead was still quite warm, I presumed that her fever did not subside much. I got off the bed, took two tablets of Panadols and a glass of water again to her bedside. Mustering the courage to talk to my Cousin again, I tapped her lightly on her shoulder.

Her dreamy and reddish eyes slowly opened up, stirring my heart and dick once again. I would have expected her to show me a look of disgust upon seeing me when she woke up. Instead, she greeted me with a weak voice and gave me a weak smile.

“Morning dii (Younger brother.).”

I wasn’t sure why she called me dii all of a sudden. I was her younger Cousin and it was natural for her to call me dii. However, we had been calling each other by our names for all these years. I felt a bit heart-wrenched upon hearing that, but still greeted her morning and passed her the medicine. She swallowed the medicine in a gulp and told me that she wished to stay in the hotel to rest for today.

“I would like to rest today… Feel really sick. Go ahead without me and look around Switzerland. Don’t waste your money coming here…” She told me without even looking at me and went back to sleep.

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