I was fifteen when I thought I saw the girl of my dream.
Never in my dreams would I knew back then I would be spending another 15 years being infatuated with this girl.
It felt weird writing this, brings back so much memories from my growing up years.
It took quite a bit of digging in my storeroom for copies of my old diaries. I cannot remember the countless weekends I spent smiling to myself as I tried to picture me back when I was in my teens.
Home was a 3 room flat in bedok off the main street.
I shared a room with my sister who is 2 years my senior. We squabbled and fight like all siblings but as we grow older, things got better and she would eventually give in to me because I am her little brother.
My sister Cheryl was pretty good in her studies, looks decent and I have seen a fair share of suitors with their presents and flowers especially during Valentine’s Day.
Cheryl underwent a pretty big change when she was in Secondary 4, she just look… different, but still very much my sister. She got taller, breast got fuller and she seemed a little more feminine when she’s not kicking my ass.
She could still put me in a choke hold if she wanted to.
She’s quite a gentle and sweet girl in everyone’s eyes but to me, she’s a bit more stern and rough, probably because my parents hardly bothered with my work and results.
Cheryl pretty much took it upon herself to whip me into shape literally.
I was in the same secondary school with Cheryl, and it is weird having people coming up to me all friendly and chatty asking if I am Cheryl’s brother.
From the nerdy top student, to the chao ah beng with pungent stale cigarette smoke, they tried to cosy up with me.
I usually just smile and just found an excuse to get myself away from them.
After all they’re just asking for my phone number.
I am not exactly good looking, I am short, a little pudgy, wears a pair of framed specs and I even need to attend some trim and fit club because I am a tad overweight.
I am not embarrassed to say I barely had a strand of pubic hair even in secondary 2.
I was a late bloomer.
1998 is a long time ago but I remember that day. The images were still crystal clear. It was in the end of February on the 26th, a Thursday
Cheryl was in the middle of her 3 Month JC induction and I am fresh in secondary 3
I was back from school, having finished most of my homework with exception of math, I was getting a little restless. Both my parents were working and I was home alone. The only problem was that I did not know when my sister would be coming back.
Sometimes she skipped lectures, coming back earlier than usual and there was no fixed timing.
I decided to take a risk and powered up the computer in the living room.
My friend just passed me a stash of vcds he got from Katong shopping centre. In case you are wondering, yes, my puberty finally came in the middle of secondary 2 and I had sort of a growth spurt. I put on weight and I gained some height, but I still think I look damn ugly.
Looks aside, my body had other needs.
I did not need much to turn myself on back then, the mere thought of putting that Jap vcd into the cd rom was enough to send blood rushing to my dick.
As the machine started to work it is magic, I was about to lay back and enjoy myself when I heard the unmistakable clank of the padlock.
I panicked and I quickly ejected the vcd, stuffing it into my stash bag and I rushed into the room.
Barely moments later I could hear Cheryl calling out to me.
Cheryl: “James, where are you?”
I popped my head out of the room and I was about to give an irritated reply but realised that my sister had company.
I was 15, what the hell do I know about love at first sight, I did not know if it was lust too but when I first laid eyes on her, I felt something sparked in my heart.
Standing near the door was another girl, she must be one of Cheryl’s new classmates and she’s in her school uniforms too. Unlike the ugly two tone uniform my sister was wearing, her convent school pinafore seemed so lady like, so sweet.
She smiled and waved and I could feel myself trying to suck in air, forcing my stomach to be smaller.
Cheryl shot pass me into the room to put her bag down and was searching for something in one of the drawers when the girl I was staring at looked around the living room and took a step in.
I did not know why but my eyes drifted to her legs. I always thought men would look at breast, my friends and classmates always discussed about which girl had the largest breast.
Nobody talked about legs
Time seemed to slow as I watch her lift her feet out of her sports shoes, revealing a pair of white socks that was folded down several times at the shin.
Cheryl appeared again and made a halfhearted introduction.
Cheryl: “Oh, Selene, my brother James.”
I waved and said hi, considering whether to shake her hands.
Selene: “Hi James.”
James: “Hi Selene.”
Now Selene‘s pinafore length reaches a good inch above her knees. Her belt is loosely tied so it doesn’t really bring out the best of her figure but that left more to my imagination.
I quietly observed my sis put a plastic bag beside the one brought along by Selene before asking Selene to join her in the kitchen.
She got Selene and herself a drink and they settled down on the dining table in the kitchen.
I sat down in the living room and pretended to fiddle with the arrangements of the computer table, stealing frequent glances as Selene.
Then came a sudden itch in my throat and I wanted to grab a drink, I don’t know whether is it really the itch in my throat or whether is it the itch in my pants as I slowly dragged my feet towards the kitchen.
My Sis had her back facing me and the living room, perhaps it is just a habit but she naturally settled into her seat on the dining table while Selene took the seat opposite her.
I had that sudden sick notion of smelling the cushion of the chair if Selene had sat on my seat instead.
Selene then proceeded to cross her legs, folding that wee bit of her pinafore over her knees only to realize it could hardly reached, as she leaned back on the chair, the hem rose back up her thighs, exposing her toned legs.
All this happened within that 1 second of me walking towards the kitchen, yet I could see it so clearly and it was mentally engraved it in my head.
Just that quick look at her crossed legs sent so much blood and confusion to my still growing body.
Little would I know that pair of crossed legs would mean so much to me in the future.
To most, it might just looked like a simple gesture of overlapping one knee over the other.
Placing the right over the left.
In my mind, I had a totally different image going on.
I would think about the flesh underneath her knees, I would think about the fine hairs on her calves barely visible to the naked eye.
I would think about the brush of her school pinafore against her moving thighs.
I would think about the moment when her feet dangled above the floor upon crossing them.
And I definitely cannot avoid thinking how lucky I would be if I could just perhaps inch a little closer.
Just a little closer to smell, kiss or touch that pair or legs.
I poured myself a glass of water and tried to eavesdrop on their conversation, magazines, converse shoes, girly stuff.
I was probably only loitering for only 10-15 seconds before my sister stopped talking and just gave me that look.
Cheryl: “Hello James, we’re talking here …”
I rolled my eyes at her and left the kitchen.
I brought out my math homework and positioned myself in such a way that I could do my sums and look at Selene‘s shoes at the same time.
It was a pair of well-worn Nikes, grey and green stripes. I had this awful urge to just grab the shoe and thrust my dick into them. Perhaps slowly savoring the interior.
Looking back, I was pretty amazed at how the barely interesting details of how the shoelaces going in and out of the holes is turning me on in a weird and unexplainable way.
I had that sick thought of using Selene‘s shoelaces to tie my dick up in some funny weird way too.
I was actually thinking of secretly drawing Selene‘s picture on my books but decided otherwise.
Her hair was not too long, reaching just below her collar bone. Her fringe was a straight cut near her brows, simulating the chinadoll craze at that time.
She would brush back her hair once in a while, trying to keep them behind her ears.
Her eyes is not big, when she smiles they squint a little and she has this pronounced dimple on right cheek.
Her face is not blemish free, I could see a healing pimple near her lower left jaw.
That little red spot of imperfection that made her so perfect in my eyes.
Selene is about the same height as my sister Cheryl, which puts her at about 1.6m. I immediately felt a strange feeling of inferiority as I realised she is taller than me.
I am short, ugly and overweight. What chances do I have?
I am barely 1.56m in secondary 3.
I could see her gesturing excitedly during the conversation with my sister and she looked really cute when she was trying to describe something with her hands.
I am about done with my assignment but I had a couple of math question which I needed help from my sister, but I am not embarrassing myself in front of Selene.
The girls got up from their seat and headed towards the sofa where I was.
I was seated on the floor, using the coffee table as my work top.
I chose the spot relatively close to the shoe racks and Selene sat down on the seat beside me while my sis remained standing.
They already moved on to the topic of backstreet boys.
I closed my books and turned to look at the girls, Selene was putting on her shoes barely a metre away from me.
How I wish I could help her with them.
Carry her feet in my hand, helping her slip her feet into the shoe while she just sat back and relax
With both her shoes on, she got up and said her goodbyes.
Selene: “Alright, making a move, bye James, See you.”
I immediately got up on my feet and smiled.
James: “Bye Selene, see you.”
She turned to my sis, mumbled something before taking the plastic bag packed by my sister.
I watch her sling her bag over her shoulders and disappeared down the corridor after saying her goodbye to my sister leaving the bag she brought behind.
The moment she left, my sister went on to take a shower.
I waited till I hear the shower come on before I went to the living room.
There was another plastic bag in the one Selene brought.
I took a quick peek towards the shower in the kitchen and my hands reached for the bag to satisfy my curiosity.
I removed a bag containing some sweets and laid my eyes on the prize.
It was a set of uniforms.
They’re swopping clothes for school.
I felt the sudden rush of blood to my dick, and I got really excited. I don’t know why but I got this sudden urge to just strip myself and wear Selene‘s school uniforms.
I gently removed them and took in a whiff of the fabric, they smell nice and fresh. I felt really lost for a moment and did not know exactly what is it that I want to do.
You know that rush of excitement and a sudden shot of sick thoughts, I can’t describe it but somehow I can still feel that sourish ticklish tingle when ‘m typing this.
I replaced the uniforms and tried to think of something but I couldn’t think of anything.
I got back to my homework and found it hard to concentrate but I kept thinking of the uniforms.
I kept thinking of Selene.
Thankfully the sick thoughts got diluted after a while and I could feel my erection going down.
My sister made no mention of the uniforms and I only noticed her bringing them back into the room which we shared.
I was expecting my sis to approach my mum to help her iron the pinafores but she did not. She just left them in the bag in the corner of the room.
I thought of Selene every time I passed the bag of uniforms on the floor.
I went to bed thinking of Selene.
27th February, Friday.
I was up early and I could see my Cheryl still sleeping.
I was about to head to school and I gave Cheryl a poke.
James: “Oei Cheryl, no need to school ar?”
She brushed me off and asked me not to disturb her.
I shrugged my shoulders and left.
When I got back home at 3pm that Friday afternoon, I saw my sister all dressed and ready to head out.
Turns out that she skipped school that day as her O results is due to be released on the following Monday.
After a little discreet probing, I realised she’s catching movie with a group of friends and that includes Selene.
I waited for her to leave the house before I went to take a quick shower.
When I entered my room, I realised the bag of school uniforms is gone.
I know where my sis hides her stash of personal stuff but I have never bothered to go snoop around until that day. I just had this sudden urge to look for something.
Turns out my sneaky ways were uncalled for.
Selene‘s pinafore was just hanging in plain sight in my sister’s cupboard.
I ran my hands through the fabric, feeling the softness of the pinafore. I imagined Selene with the pinafore on and it gave me enough images and thoughts to satisfy myself that afternoon.
At 8.30pm that Friday evening.
My sister had guest again.
This time round was 2 very gentlemanly guy who walked her back from the bus stop.
I was a little disappointed that Selene was not present and I hardly paid attention to the introduction by my sister.
2nd March 1998
My sister woke up early that morning.
I felt a nudge on my shoulder and the sky was still dark.
Cheryl: “Oei, wake up.”
Cheryl wanted to talk, it was an important day for her.
They’re releasing the results of her ‘o’ levels that day.
I don’t know why, but I felt the closest with my sister in the wee hours of the morning. Only in the morning do we share our feelings and problems together.
She went on to say she’s feeling very nervous and hope she did well.
James: “But it is already over, nothing you can do.”
Cheryl: “Yah I know, but it is still worrying.”
I wanted to remind her she’s in the top 10 of her level every year but decided otherwise.
I wonder how I would be feeling if it had be me that day.
James: “Don’t worry, I will pray for you.”
She laughed as I dragged myself out of bed.
I went to the altar in the living room and lit up the incense.
Cheryl came out of the room as well and was gathering up the joss sticks when started on my wish.
James: “Dear Tua pek gong, I know I cannot pray for my sister’s result to be good, but I hope the rest of the country did badly.”
I felt a smack on my head and I apologized and sincerely asked for the same thing again in my heart.
Cheryl: “Don’t joke while praying.”
I went to school that day feeling a little different. I don’t know why.
Perhaps I am feeling nervous for my sister.
At 2pm that day, I saw my sister running towards me in the tuck-shop and giving me a hug before showing me her results.
I could see the look of envy from several other guys in the vicinity as she hugged me again.
Cheryl: “I feel so relieved.”
We chatted for a while before she left with her friends.
I just finished my shower and was drying my hair when I heard the door open.
I popped my head out and I could hear Cheryl and Selene chatting noisily.
I put on a top and went to the living room.
James: “Hi Selene.”
Selene: “Hey, hi James …”
The smile on my face went off immediately when I realised there’s another 2 guy in the group.
As they gathered in the living room, I offered to help my sis with the drinks.
My house did not have standardize glasses and mugs, it is all a jumbled mix of colours, shapes and design.
After offering the guest drinks, I merely took note of which one Selene used.
She was not in uniform that day, instead she had on a simple t-shirt with a cookie monster in front. It seemed a little tight but it allowed me to see the fullness of her breast.
She wore pants that day, exposing only her calves but it is enough for me.
I hung around the group as they chatted, my sister did not mind me sticking around that Monday afternoon as they talked about heading to Tampines mall in the evening.
I started to observe the 2 guys.
One of them, called Zhi Jian is taking quite a bit of interest in Selene.
He seemed to be focusing more on her.
I can’t really be bothered about the other one who is interested in my sister.
I offered to refill the drinks and I brought the cups to the kitchen.
Making sure no one is looking, I drank from Selene‘s cup, licking and savoring the rim of that mug.
There was hardly any smell or taste, even if there were, it was musk by the strong acidic cola taste.
The more I see Zhi Jian joking and laughing around with Selene, the angrier I felt.
It’s like this stupid feeling of jealousy.
I tried to analyse his actions. How his elbow would give Selene a gentle jab as her turned and raised his eyebrows while seeking an acknowledgement from her.
He gestured a lot while he speaks, and if Selene‘s hands happened to be near, he would find an excuse to tap or hold it even if that half a second.
It might seem like he’s just trying to be funny cutting her off but from my perspective, he’s just trying to touch her.
My parents smiled and congratulated my sister on her results and out comes 2 x 10 dollar bills for her outing to Tampines.
I watched on helplessly as the group left at 6.50pm
My sister came home at 11.30pm that evening, accompanied by the guy whose name I could not even remember.
2 November 1998
My Sister Cheryl is well into her tertiary life in her Junior College. No fancy schools here, just one tucked in the heartlands of Tampines.
Selene went to the same one too and they got even closer.
There would be the occasional weekends where Selene would be hanging out with my sis at my place, just chilling and studying.
As for the ugly me, I got a little less ugly.
I gained more height, lost more weight and finally I think I look more human when I looked in the mirror.
Selene was considered a regular at my place. There was even that couple of times she had dinner with the family.
She’s the only child from and both her parents were in the construction industry.
I would think she’s pretty well to do since she stayed in one of the private apartments near Bedok camp.
Her hair got a little longer and they’re naturally straight. No need for rebonding.
We got a bit, just a teeny wee bit closer as I tried to talk to her more often whenever she’s around but I knew sub consciously that I fell into the ‘ best friend’s kid brother’ category.
Now I chose to write about this particular Monday because something memorable happened that day.
It was around 8pm in the evening and I was alone at home.
My parents were off on a short holiday just across the causeway and will only be back 2 days later.
My Sister was out too but I knew she’s due to be back anytime now.
It was drizzling heavily that day, there were streaks of lightning but not much thunder that I could pick up.
I heard the padlock at the door and I could already hear my sister shouting for me through the main door.
I could only make out something like “James, I want to buy a vowel”
It made me think she watched too much wheel of fortune but when the door opened, I finally understood what she meant when I saw her all drenched.
She sounded quite delirious as she spoke again, evidence that she did not mind the rain at all.
Cheryl: “James, can you bring a towel!”
I hopped up from the sofa and was about to head in when I heard a familiar voice that made my heart flutter.
Selene: “James! Bring me 1 too. !”
The girls were removing their shoes outside the door as I could see they’re soaked through as they giggled and removed their socks.
I quickly grabbed 2 clean towels from my sister’s wardrobe and went to meet the girls.
My sister quickly dried herself a little and with her wet feet, she tip toed into the hose.
Selene was a little more embarrassed and she took a while to dry her feet.
It was the most beautiful moment I had that day.
Selene‘s wet uniforms clung on tight to her body, and I could smell the unique smell of damp fabric as she got busy around me.
I could see droplets of water dripping from the tips of her fringes.
James: “What happened? The rain did not look that heavy.”
Selene: “Ask your sister, haha. She just went mad for a moment.”
I made way to let her into the house and just then Chery came out with a set of clothes for Selene.
Cheryl: “Hey, go shower and change out, I will use my parents’ bathroom.”
Selene looked around and I saw her eyeing the spot on the floor where Cheryl just dumped her drenched bag but she must have felt embarrassed about just dumping it on the floor since it is not her house.
I caught her eye for a moment and she just passed them to me.
Selene: “Thanks ar James. Haha, help me take care of it.”
It’s just a simple school bag but carrying it gave me this fuzzy feeling in my stomach.
I heard the sliding door to my parents’ bathroom close and snap with the latched.
I saw Selene skipped and hop towards the other bathroom in the kitchen.
I held on to Selene‘s wet and damp bag.
My eyes drifted to her wet socks and shoes.
My mind curious about the contents of her bag.
My dick had a mind of it is own and I am pretty sure it went to the small gap in between the aluminum door and the wall at the bathroom that Selene was using.
I never expected myself to be at the crossroads of decision making when I am only 15.
I took some old newspaper from the pile in the corner of the house and spread them out on the floor.
I transferred my sister’s wet bags onto them and did the same for Selene‘s bags.
Both the door and the metal gate was left wide opened when the girls’ rushed in. I went to the door and squatted down.
Selene‘s wet shoes were streaked with bits of grass. Some bits of greens, some browns. Not really a lot of mud but more of vegetation.
My house was facing another neighbour’s main door and the last thing I wanted was for the 60 year old lady across seeing me sniffing some wet socks.
I spread more newspaper and brought the shoes and socks in.
It’s hard to put it down in words but I was actually panicking.
I wanted to do so much but realised in the back of my head that there’s very little time.
My eyes drifted to Selene‘s socks and after making sure the girls’ are still in the shower, I slowly unfolded one of it.
It’s damp to the touch for obvious reasons and I could feel an erection pushing against my shorts as I unrolled and straightened the socks.
When I realised that the bundled up pair of white socks has the image of the popular hush puppies logo at that time, I sprung up and went into action.
I have similar pairs of socks in my drawer.
I rushed into my room and brought out a pair.
Taking huge double quick steps to the kitchen I turned on the tap and proceeded to drench the pair of socks completely.
I cursed at the water pressure.
With 2 bathrooms in use, the trickle of water is making my heart beat faster.
I managed to get it wet sufficiently and I quickly ran to the living room.
I rubbed some of the grass bits from my sister’s shoes onto the socks I have and did a quick comparison.
Pretty much the same in size and colour.
It’s a Monday, Selene‘s socks must have been a new pair. Still looks quite white in spite of the adventure in the rain.
I bundled up the pair I have and quickly swop it with Selene‘s pair.
At that moment in time I was pretty sure my heart never beat so fast before in the 15 years it was in use.
I grabbed a plastic bag from the kitchen and quickly hide my treasure in a corner of my wardrobe.
I went to my parent’s room, there was no further sound of water coming from the bathroom and I am guessing my sis must be almost done with her shower.
I ran to the kitchen and was glad I could still hear the shower going strong.
It was a pretty cool evening, and there’s a prevailing breeze coming from the kitchen.
I could see the spill of warm light from the gap at the bathroom door.
I could smell the soap and shampoo too.
I simply froze at the entrance of the door.
Just that simple action of bringing myself closer to the gap was a tremendous task.
Looking back to that day, I can only sum it up in one short phrase.
I turned away and went to the sink to reach for a glass of water.
Just when I was about to sip from the glass, Cheryl appeared at the entrance to the kitchen.
When she spoke, I could feel the heavy smacking of my heart against my ribcage.
Thank god I did not attempt to peep at Selene.
Cheryl would have stuffed me into the washing machine.
Cheryl: “James ar, can you boil some water.”
I nodded obediently and put the kettle on.
When Selene emerged from the bathroom less than 10 minutes later, I had 2 cups of hot tea on the dining table for the girls.
They dried their hair and started laughing and giggling about the rain.
I picked up short excerpts from their conversation and came to my own conclusion what happened.
They were running through the grass patch when Selene stepped into a huge puddle. The splashes wet my sis and she wanted revenge.